When finally upon, the Deathbed I lie
Lamenting the past, and time that’s gone by
Regretting some choices, that I willingly made
And for the lost chances, where I was afraid

Self-loathing began, at a very young age
Kept thoughts to myself, mind locked in a cage
Observing the others, from a distance I viewed
A pariah to youth, a childhood skewed

The family spread far, and estranged to a soul
Long has it been, since family was whole
No value was taught, in keeping connected
We live behind walls, that we have erected

The longer I lived, the less happiness felt
Was never a player, in games society dealt
Alive but not living, and grown up to see
No longer needed help, in the torture of me

True love never found, an impostor instead
Was not meant to be, just fucked with my head
After years of abuse, and lying untold
Trust lost forever, heart now too cold

Weak and alone, this life now in wane
Too late to unlearn, that I am my bane
Dead in my heart, and blind to what’s real
A life full of sadness, that alone I must feel

Mistakes far too many, but they were my own
Reaping the crops, for the seeds I had sown
When head rests on pillow, and sheet pulls up high
My Deathbed is the Lifebed, upon which I must lie

*written/posted in 2012, when I first attempted writing…that’s my excuse

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